Thanks for bread everyday...
Friday, January 31, 2003
Tuesday, January 28, 2003
Monday, January 27, 2003
Frankly, i do not love you any less.
I have just hated you more.
As much as i wish to forgive and love you.
Memories would not let me.
But neither can i cease loving you altogether.
Do you know how does that feel?
Any of you?
It has to be one or the other.
Except it is not my choice.
Its never really my choice.
It has been so easy to get angry these days.
And after all these months, there are still so many things i could not let go.
I still blame her for intruding.
I still blame you for leaving.
I still blame you for hurting me.
I still blame you for letting her hurt me.
I still blame you for not caring about what it meant to be together.
I still blame you for not being satisfied with me.
Perhaps too i blame myself for not satisfying you.
But more than anything, i blame myself now for not being able to forgive.
I don't want to live life feeling insecure.
I don't want to be with what i cannot trust.
Cannot be with what i cannot believe in.
Cannot be.
I would not live life always wondering when the next betrayal would come from you.
Always fearing.
Always second guessing.
Always unsure, uncertain, unappeased.
Would you?
Saturday, January 25, 2003
Wednesday, January 22, 2003
Watched Hero today.
Good visuals but so.. so... drama!! So much so that i couldn't help feeling that it's quite corny. It isn't surprising that other people around me were sniggering when tony leung got stabbed for the third (or is it fourth) time... Some guy behind me said," Poor tony, looks like he only need to stand there to get stabbed".
Hmm. Very drama, very arty, precision down to the last details on its cinematography.
But hardly impressive plot, dialogue and characters.
Courtesy from vaya's blog (wonders how such things spread...)
Elven Name Possibilities for Alice Lee
The root name suitable for feminine and masculine is:
Waensiw�
Another masculine version is:
Waensiw�ion
More feminine versions are:
Waensiw�iel
Waensiw�ien
Waensiw�wen
Geez... i cant even _begin_ to pronounce them...
Tuesday, January 21, 2003
Monday, January 20, 2003
Watched LOTR finally and i am not sure i really liked it. I still can't get over how Faramir was portrayed, contrary to the book. As well as the discrepancy regaring the Ents. For one, i thought Faramir's resistance against the temptation of the ring (in the book) was an important part (perhaps small part) of the book. He has withstood what his brother has failed. Perhaps it seems a minor point, but i felt that the fact that Faramir was likewise tempted but still able to resist the one ring demonstrated perhaps that there is still good in man to warrant the salvation of middle-earth. Unfortunately, the movie has this smack of heroism and hollywood bravado lingering all over it. So if not for the hobbits, Faramir would have succumbed and somehow, that did not rest easy with me. Likewise Treebeard's sudden turnabout decision to join in the war against Sauramun, after witnessing the devastation of the trees (carefully engineered by *surprise surprise* two hobbits) showed another deviation from the book which does nothing but seek to elevate the role (or perhaps importance) of the hobbits in the story. I thought in the book, the Ents did realized that they are part of the whole fabric of being, which was why Treebeard managed to persuade the other Ents to join him. Everyone had a role to play in Tolkien's story but the movie delegates that responsibility to the selected few. I admit the visuals were stunning and there were some clever condesation of the original book into a 3 hour movie. I even liked Frodo's character development and of course, the gollum. But pardon me, if i have my little grouses, perhaps i am just being too fussy.
There are several stray cats outside my house. I think they have been there for a while and i remember seeing them as kittens. They appear usually in the night and mainly around the kerb near the drain beside my house. Occasionally though, they do show up in funny places. One was resting on the bonnet of my dad's car, warming its tummy against a cooling engine. Another was grooming itself on the ledge next to my neighbour's gate pillar. And most recently of late, they have been gathering and sitting at the bus-stop outside my house, either having a snooze or just watching the traffic passing by. It is strangely serene to see three cats (2 sitting on the bench, 1 below) sitting side by side with other human passengers, waiting for the bus.
17/1/03
Work day ended quite dramatically during a meeting with a parent, thankfully everything was resolved somewhat before i left for the weekend. Parents are back from china and dad has been my steadfast chauffeur for the last two days.
Had to rush for his cousin's wedding at grand copthorn hotel. I must say i have never been to a wedding with nicer atmosphere. While the food was not bad, what really stood out was the elegant decorations. There were flower arrangments everywhere, candles and ice pillars, as well as a live jazz band/singer. I guess the staff went all out since the groom is one of the managers there. The happy couple has 4 wedding albums at least and this was the first time i saw a wedding album where the bride wore a bikini (some shots were taken in a bintan resort). Quite a funky couple. I have attended their ROM at sentosa beach last year as well, and she was wearing a sundress while he was in berms and hawaiian shirt. The hotel also have a nice ballroom where there was a big glass wall overlooking a small garden and pavilion behind the stage. It has a very coordinated theme on the whole and i think everyone enjoyed the wedding tremendously.
After the wedding, decided to meet up with the girls at sound bar for a drink and chat session. As i was quite early, i took a walk around the place because i seldom had the chance to go to that part of muhd sultan. While walking pass the glass panels at simplybread, i was invited by the bakers for a short tour inside. Anyway since i needed to pass the time and the bakery looks interesting, i didn't really mind. Pretty nice people in general and they were telling me about the various bread around (even offered some but too full from wedding dinner *heh heh*). Well, at least i had something to do while waiting for the girls and it is interesting meeting people you don't usually have a chance to talk to. Maybe next time i go buy bread i will get a discount. *chuckles*
After a really nice chat with the girls, we shared a taxi home together. When finally, i was the only one left in the cab, the driver remarked that we must all be still in school. I asked why and he said it was because we talked like giggly little girls (which was true) so he was alittle surprise when i told him we have passed the mid20s (ouch ouch). Then he half-scoldingly told me, that i should be more mature and careful, and how could i have forgotten to bring my house keys (he overheard me telling the girls). While i was trying to explain that it was because i usually have the car keys and house keys are attached to car keys and i seldom not have the car etc etc, he told me that i should have the keys separated in the first place and gave me rather good advice on that too. Guess he thought i ought to be more "mature" because of my age. *laughs* Anyway, he meant well and was really nice because he waited for someone to open the gate for me (waited for about 5minutes before anyone woke up at home) before driving off.
Well, certainly an evening of interesting chance encounters and it was quite memorable in its own way. Guess it was a really nice evening on the whole.
Saturday, January 18, 2003
Sunday, January 12, 2003
Wednesday, January 8, 2003
Some days are crazier than others.
How do one remain sane when stuck right in the midst of chaos?
I guess it is the start of the new year.
Well one week later anyway...
I am fumbling around wondering what should i be doing this year.
Oh yes, another little existentialist self discussion.
More why am i here... what am i suppose to do...
Geez.
Am i turning 27 soon?
27?
No kidding.
When did that happen? Did i miss it?
People around me are becoming older too but they didn't seem so.
I don't feel so either.
Has a whole generation of people just finally decide to stop growing all together?
Or is it just my little warped perception...
I want to be somebody.
I want to look back at myself and be somebody.
Perhaps i should stop asking questions and starting doing...
Perhaps i should start by not saying perhaps...
I am going to be somebody.
The people at the back of my house is reconstructing their house. I used to have a clear view at my balcony because i stay on the 3rd floor and their house only have 2 storeys. Unfortunately they are building another floor to their existing house which meant there goes my view! Feeling really upset about it. I hate the feeling when you look out your window and all you see is someone else's room. I need space! Ok ok. I will stop complaining about it really since i am quite lucky. At least my side window has clear view of sky and not much buildings (on good nights, i get to see part of national stadium). Yes yes i know. At least i have space. So what the heck am i upset about? geez. Damn xiao jie.
Sunday, January 5, 2003
I drove around for almost two hours last night after sending my brother off at the airport.
I wore a yellow tshirt with a white collar and jeans.
I liked how i looked.
I ate half a bag of ruffles potato chips and a packet of chocolate milk while driving.
Listening to the radio, i saw strange sights.
An giant electric palm tree glittering after midnight.
I had nothing to do and nowhere to go.
I want to see someone.
Except i couldn't.
Wednesday, January 1, 2003
I wanted to start the brand new year afresh.
I thought it would be different somehow after the clock struck midnight
but after standing on this side of the new year and looking back
i realized that i have not gone anywhere.
"Give it a month."
Somehow i dont think it would make a difference.
I carried all my burdens with me.
And the new year is after all,
just another year.
Sunday, December 29, 2002
Wednesday, December 25, 2002
One thing i enjoy most during this trip is the little incidents from out of the blue which happened to make my interaction with the locals more interesting...
For example, we decided on the spur of the moment, while on our way to the museum on this cold windy christmas morning, to step into the corner shop at the end of the street which looked a little interesting. After looking around for a short moment, we decided that things were quite expensive and it's was just selling handicrafts from other countries like peru and mexico. We were just about to leave when the lady owner started talking to us in rapid japanese so we told her we were foreigners. She stepped out for a while and just as we were stepping out of the door, she appeared with two cups of japanese coffee for us. And before we knew it, we were sitting on the couch having coffee and trying to converse in my quarter-baked japanese from the language guide while she was telling us about the various items in the store. We didn't buy anything in the end but i think she didn't mind. Not a bad morning on the whole though a little side-tracked from our original agenda.
Merry Christmas.
Tuesday, December 24, 2002
On reading my blog, he commented that i have forgotten to write about Midnight Blue and meeting important people... like the chairman from Shell.
Hmm.
Well, midnight blue is a pay-to-view porn channel which you have to pay Y500 for 12hours worth of naked nubile, big booby (his dictation) japanese babes engaging in various sexual activities with really ugly japanese men. What can i say? Its a channel for the males and perverts. (Same implications for him i suspect) Anyway, most of the important bits (ugly or otherwise) are pixelated.
And the chainman and his wife?
Nice people and they bought us dinner.
Frankly, I think that's it.
Being in Fukuoka is a really different holidaying experience than other backpacking trips or even the short trip out to nagasaki. Here, because of him, we are more involved in a different level than being just an accidental tourist bumping into sights and situations. To have people of a different culture know you a little more than just nodding their head as you walked pass and be more involved in their daily lives. Of course this is just work-level and not much else but it is still insightful and different from being just a simple tourist.
We were just invited to the museum staff annual thanksgiving party before the museum is closed for the holiday. Everyone was gathered into the conference room, from the cleaning aunties, the security guards, the museum's attendants and the adminstration staff, including the museum chairman and secretary general. Everyone stood formally around assorted sushi, food and drinks (beers, sake, juices) catered for the occasion while a member of the staff introduced the chairman to give a thankyou speech. I had no idea what he said other than "gambatte ne" and to nod when others nod their heads. Then drinks were offered but no one is suppose to drink until the official toast is offered by the secretary general. It is all quite formal but everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, even the cleaning lady was busy asking us to drink our sake and eat.
PART III
Dejima, Chinatown, Spectacles Bridge, Sofukuji Temple, Glover Garden
- Dejima was being restored as we walked through the little island. Tons of things had changed since the dutch was here. They used this little island off the coast of nagasaki sea port (mainly reclaimed land now so the "island" is really inland rather than an island) to contain the dutch during the 1600s when christianity was prohibited but trade was still opened.
- Chinatown was pretty vibrant and more money was spent for lunch and knick-knacks. Famous food in Nagasaki are called the Chompon and Sara Udon. The former tasting alot like cabbage-soupy noodles with meat and assorted stuff while the latter is alot like hong kong noodle (i.e. fried crispy noodles) draped in a gravy with the same ingredients like the Chompon. Speaking of food, we had rice handroll from the local convenience store for Y120 almost everyday for lunch till we are almost sick of it. Well, it was nice while it lasted.
- Spectacles bridge was only interesting because of the carps that swam in the waters and the hawks flying above us.
- Sofukuji built by chinese residents in the 1600s. Ma zu is being worshipped here and there is an old chinese cemetary beside the temple. Being the only port open to the rest of the world during the national isolation period, this is the only city in japan with a continual influx of portuguese, dutch, chinese and korean nationals. So i guess it is also the usual habit of chinese people to build ma zu temple wherever they landed to ensure harmonious sea voyages.
- Glover garden has the japan's oldest western-style wooden house. Again, another example of the presence of Europeans in Japan, but only in Nagasaki mainly due to its role as an trading post. Lots of influencial europeans, including the most famous, Thomas Blake Glover who aided overthrowing the shogunate and in establishing a constitutional government in Japan. But the garden itself is really just a collection of old houses (some relocated from other places) in the formal european settlement in Nagasaki, overlooking the harbour.
PART II
Night View on Mount Inasa, Ropeway, Nagasaki City
After walking 1.5km from the tram stop, we reach the ropeway station situated next to a japanese shrine, at the bottom of Mount Inasa. Mt Inasa is 333m high and it took us around 5 minutes up the ropeway. It has a fantastic night view of Nagasaki city below and the night was clear but cold and windy. There's a nice little italian restaurant where couples go to to enjoy a nice romantic dinner. A nice couple helped us take a photo, the guy had insisted that his girl count out 1,2,3 in japanese, and she did it in a cute camera-assistant fashion with her fingers held up high. All of us had a good laugh.
Shimabara Castle, Shimabara
An hour and a half away by the JR train is Shimabara.
Some thoughts on Shimabara...
Coastal town with greying skies
of castle upon the hill
of Geronimo and christian faith
of children playing on warrior alley
of tatami mats and waxed figurines
of smoking volcano overlooking
of lake which appeared over night
of mountain springs sprouting through people's homes
of my very own cat nirvana
of carps swimming through our paths
of common pets
of birds waiting for a morsel of fish
of rice dumplings in clam broth
of greying skies and misty mountain ranges...
Huis Ten Borsh
Pseudo holland city recreated painstakenly over a reclaimed area that's twice the size of tokyo disneyland, an hour away bus ride away from Nagasaki City. Impressive if not a little fake with windmills and what nots. Needless to say, we spent a bomb at this place buying gifts and other unnecessary purchases. The weather was fantastic, with the sun shining and blue skies, perfect for pictures. Half the time we did not understand what was going on during the various theme rides/shows but it was funny nonetheless. They make good cheese and i particularly liked the cream cheese cubes doused in soya sauce ala agedashi tofu manner. We did not buy any cheese though. A wedding was going on at the replicated queen's (of holland i assume) castle where the happy couple was getting up onto a horse carriage during a cold winter evening where everyone was freezing their butts off. The lucky wedding guests gets to ride in a heated bus though. Quaint place and quite kitsch really...
Alright. Spent the last 4 days in Nagasaki and pretty much covered everything in that small city. Some of the places and thoughts i have of the place, wont be much and not sure if i will ever get down to elaborate once they passes my mind...
PART I
Nagasaki City (accomodation)
Was staying in a little minshuku (ming2 shu4) or inn just behind the bus terminal. The inn keeper was very nice and spoke little english though on first glance the place looked really dodgy and old. There is a common bath and toilet, and we slept on tatami mats... In general, a very japanese inn experience and the place sort of grows on you. The heating was adequate and the inn-keeper puts out the bath for us each time we come back after a long day which was really nice. This must be my first experience of bathing, the japanese way, where you scrub yourself up, rinsed before soaking in a bathtub full of hot water. Very very relaxing and soothing really. I can see why japanese enjoy this. After the bath, we put on japanese robes and drink green tea and eat little cakes. All this and quite cheap (in japan standards) as well, as long as you do not mind the smell of kerosene in the middle of the night from the hallway heater.
Nagasaki City (transport)
Nothing much interesting about this except they uses tram mainly and its generally cheaper than buses (Y100 for one way to anywhere within the city) though the coverage is not as extensive as the buses. Still, it gets you to most sights in Nagasaki itself.
Atomic Bomb Museum, Peace Garden, Hypocentre
These places are just about 5 tram stops away from the main railway station (nagasaki eki) and not difficult to find. It is actually still quite disturbing to think about the bomb and it sort of tinted my thoughts for a bit. And i would be wondering would i be still left alive while visiting various parts of the city, when the bomb dropped? The A bomb museum was very informative about the effects and explained what exactly happened when the bomb exploded on august 9th at 11.02am. It is quite unimaginable how much devastation it has caused within 3 seconds of detonation. It is not a memory bear remembering nor a memory easily forgotten. The videos depleting the victims was too horrifying for words. It was not a museum meant to garner just sympathy for the victims nor push the blame on the Allied forces. In fact, they have been quite candid about their role in world war two as well. I think facts would be facts and it is already horrifying enough without anymore embellishment. The main thing is, no one wants to have a repeat of that or to have a nuclear war on our hands. Everyone else is someone elses family and loved ones.
To confess, i did not enjoy this experience in the museum very much. While going around the peace garden, i was quite ambivalent towards a war that had happened before my generation and there has not been much meaning in it for me personally but once you are confronted by what a war and do, listen to what the victims had to say, touched the very items which had stood in the presence of that war, it is difficult to remain detached and feel ambivalent or even academic about it. I guess i have finally stepped out of the history books and breathed real air.
Thursday, December 19, 2002
Well, one week down and I am still stuck in Fukuoka with only 5 more days to spare. And that's including the time needed for the sights i have not seen in the Fukuoka Prefecture yet. Now i am sitting in the museum without lunch and not knowing if there would be a dinner.
Never fool around with Father time, we are always the one who end up losing out.
Wednesday, December 18, 2002
Being in a new place also meant that i have become more adventurous in the things that i eat.
Things that i wouldn't actually try if i was back home.
For example:
different types of fish roe
chicken liver
chicken heart
chicken lungs
pig lungs
all other parts of innards of various animals
I just close my eyes and bite into it.
In any case, most of the time they don't look like what i imagined them to be and its easy to think that they are perfectly edible
Of Nakatsu and Pachinko
Even though Japan is supposed to be the land of the raising sun, i have yet to wake up early enough to see any sun raising (not as if the gloomy misty weather is going to help much in this aspect), but what i have done so far was to get a real good feel for the night scene in this town. Nothing comes up more vividly than the experiences of eating dinners and more dinners, hence my protential weight problem. Every night is a different cruisine and different eating experience, whereas day seems to pass by in a blur, being trapped most of the daylight hours inside the asian art museum.
Nakatsu is one of the more famous night life venues in the whole of kyushu. Its bright neon signs and the numerous yatai along the river is quite a well-known picture to most tourists in the region. However, i would hesitate to recommend any women travelling solo along to walk along the inner streets beyond its neon lights as Nakatsu is also infamous for being the "unofficial" red-light districit. As my japanese friend tells me, "there are not such thing as a red-light districit in japan, well not officially anyway". There are rows and rows of strip joints thinly disguised as pubs along the streets of Nakatsu where men in black suits stand waiting. Innocently, while walking through the area with friends, i remarked at the number of "cute" guys standing around, abeitedly looking quite menacing as they seldom smile, only to be told that they are really pimps. These men are dressed well and looked really neat, in fact a few looked as though they had make-up on and tweaked their eyebrows. According to friends, these men would come up to only male customers (without any female companions) and offer them photographs of the "wares" they have. If a deal is struck, the customers would be brought into the inner sanctum of these pubs to have a "closer encounter" i assume. Occasionally, there are also the "products" displaying themselves along the streets. I just had to take a closer look at this girl (who must be older than i am) dressed up in a tiny little sailormoon/student costume chatting up one of the men on the streets. Further on there were other back alleys and pubs which i did not dare to venture as it became increasingly seedy. Half-jokingly, i wondered out loud if black is the official uniform of such pimps because they are from the mafia, only to be told that only the yakuzas would be engaging in such businesses in the first place.
Nakatsu is also the home of numerous pachinko parlours. I guess it is a little like those jackpot machines we have up in genting but a sight rather rare in Singapore. Last night, we decided to follow a friend into one to experience another local favourite pastime. The first impression i had was the tremendous volume of noise in the place. It is brightly lit with rows upon rows of pachinko machines lined up. First, we had to change our money (Y2000 for starters) into a little farecard before we select one of the machines (seems like there are a few variations of different animations) and start playing. Once the farecard is slotted in, a rush of tiny little metal balls were released into a "drain" at the bottom of the machine near our lap (500 balls at a time). To play, all you had to do was to turn a knob on the side to shoot the balls into something that looks like a vertical pin ball machine. The aim is simple, get the ball into a little hole in the middle to start the jackpot rolling. Sounds simple? Not exactly because the hole is really small and before you know it, 500 balls can disappear before your jackpot even start to roll. Each ball fallen into the hole meant one chance at hitting the jackpot. The animations of the jackpot are rather cute and designed in such a way to entice you further. For example, just when you thought you might have lost, there could suddenly be a chance to hit the third correct number again. It is not difficult to feel the rush of excitement when you do hit the jackpot and start on the bonus round where every ball you bounce into the hole (now wider therefore meaning greater chance), will result in more balls being released into your little "drain" which you then have to released into a basket below to prevent the "drain" from overflowing.
Luck must be on our side that night in the pachinko parlour because within fifteen minutes into the first 500balls, we managed to jackpot once and by the end of the evening (around 2 hours) we had continuous jackpots and filled up 5 baskets of tiny metal balls. I think we were pretty giddy by the end of it and i could see why gambling can be so addictive, especially when you are winning. Well, officially, once you have those basket of balls counted individually (i think we had around 125,000 balls approximately) by the machine, you can use the tokens given to exchange for gifts like toys or even ladies handbags. But more importantly, or rather unofficially, you can take those tokens to the back alley and exchange them for cold hard cash. I think it is not difficult to figure out what we decide to go for. There is a certain amount of danger involve, holding on to the tokens and giving them to this little obscured window in the side lane where you cannot see them, and they cannot see you. All in all, we managed to win around 45,600yen with just 500yen worth of balls since there are still 1,500yen of credit left on our farecard. I think i can still hear the little sound of cash register going *kaching kaching* in my head amidst the drone of the pachinko machine in the background.
Like i say, i think i know why gambling is so addictive now and it certainly take two clear-minded individuals to walk out of the place loaded with cash and not have the urge to stay on playing (actually, it was already closing time). I was still grinning like an idiot when we decided to buy our friend coffee and cake afterwards with our winnings. In any case, after waking up in the morning and knowing that such "luck" can't possibly sustain forever and knowing all the horror stories of mothers abandoning their children playing pachinko, we were able to take such winnings of chance in our stride.
After all, we only have 1,500 balls left and i promise that once that's finished we wouldn't play anymore.
Really.
Tuesday, December 17, 2002
The finer art in eating yakitori.
First, it taste better with beer.
Then you need raw cabbages doused in vinegar dressing to clear the after taste.
Next comes all sort of yakitori ranging from the innards to vegetables, my personal favourite is mushroom wrapped with bacon.
Then when you finish the yakitori, you toss the little sticks into the container (not unlike a miniture version of a divinity lot holder) provided.
Sometimes you can order other little dishes such as grilled pig trotters and agedashi mochi (a kind of stick rice) to go along with the meal.
Everyone is huddled in a small little room where there are hardly any space to sit cross legged.
In any case, ladies are not expected to sit cross legged.
Frankly speaking, i think i have enough yakitori for the rest of my trip but i wouldn't mind more of that grilled rice ball please.
Windy in Hakata.
Sounds of deep bells along the pavements
of rattling wires on lamp-posts.
Watching banners bellowing like sails
sailing across our journey towards...
Lights shimmering like stars
outlining the rustling trees
baring all in the winter's night.
Blown off course, we travelled onwards
numbed with cold.
Yatai...
Perhaps one of a more local japanese culinary experience. Sitting huddled together in winter with other people in a temporary little wooden hut, drinking beer and eating ramen or yakitori has its definite charms. Beer seems to taste better served in little glasses, ramen has more flavour in the cold and damn, if you do not feel a certain comradeship with the dude in a suit next to you. You can sit there and grin like an idiot over the conversation you do not understand and still no one would think the worse of you. Perhaps everyone is just intoxicated after a long day's work and having one glass too many but isn't that the point?
Monday, December 16, 2002
Ah... Japan, the land of Vending Machines (VM)?
It is quite amazing to see that there are at least two VMs at every street corner around here. You can buy almost anything from one of this ideally located VMs. From the conventional hot/cold drinks to ciggies to the not-so-conventional items such as sandwiches, snacks, condoms, pay-per-view tv card, fare card, maps and even a bowl of ramen, pipping hot ready for consumption. In a way, it probably helps to create little personal oasis in their daily lives where there is no need to face another human to get what you want and you can be a hermit amidst this lush urban environment. Yet, this is a country that prides itself in terms of their service towards others. I must admit their sales staff is the most helpful and polite i have seen anywhere else. Just try stepping into a departmental store, they actually pay people to stand at the door to hand out sweets and say goodbye even if you have just been looking only. At least i did not feel bad when i did not buy anything unlike certain places where they don't bother to even look at you once they see how you are dressed. So it is a little strange to me to witness how this do-it-yourself system co-exist within a culture seeped in rigid hierachical protocols, strict service attitudes, and need of maintaining veneers of respectibility.
We alternate between having to do everything ourselves and having everything done for us. It all stems from this visit to a nearby VM cafe where people were buying lunch like ramens, sandwiches and drinks from rows of different VMs and eating them on the tables/chairs provided before disposing the bowls/cups into the bins provided. No waiter or host was needed. After seeing this cafe, we had dinner at this eating place where the host (a 80yr old lady) insisted on serving us everything throughout the dinner. It is an interesting contradiction in experiences. In any case, this is only my fifth day here and i hardly profess to know everything about Japan. It is probably just the tourist speaking but still, it makes interesting food for thoughts doesn't it?
Sunday, December 15, 2002
Fukuoka is quite cold now... though i expect places like to tokyo to be much colder. Heard that it was snowing. Wont mind seeing snow actually. Was thinking of mt aso but heard its below zero degC now and inconvenient cos bad public transport... Similar to natural onsens (hot springs) since they are usually not along the main road which means its better if you have your own transport. HmmMm rent a car in japan? Perhaps, perhaps not.
So far, i have not been doing much during the last 3 days (this is my fourth day morning), other than wating at Fukuoka Asian Art Museum (or FAAM for short) visiting various museums and walking around downtown. He is working very hard at NHK which is the TV station here, editing his videos, so i hardly get to see him except during dinner. In the meantime, our friend (singaporean, who is coordinating his piece for the museum) and another japanese friend from tokyo (who had came down to liase and research in the museam) has been bringing me around for lunch and checking out the various museums. I even went to Kyushu University to have a look around and sat in for one of the art critic presentation in an old classroom (the uni was 100yrs old and nothing much have changed i gathered from the grime) because my friends were looking for an art journal there. Not exactly your usual tourist sport ya? Then there was checking out the xmas decos at the nearby canal city... expensive stuff there and coffee aint cheap... that`s all i can say... I think i have to rethink my souvenir strategy abit...
Anyway though i have only been here for 3 days, it certainly felt like its been more. Probably because i am not exactly doing anything that a normal tourist should be doing, hence there was no urgency to "milk the milage" of my visit yet. It has been quite relaxing and infact boring at times as i am really just waiting for him to finish. I think the gear will pick up in a bit when his finalize his work.
Okie dok. Time for lunch now... I think i am going to put on weight when i get home... Sigh...
Wednesday, December 11, 2002
Went to visit grandma first today before running a few errands before i fly off. Got some dog food for my dog. The pet shop ran out of the 15kg pack, so i had to buy 3 small packs to tide over this period while i am gone. Also bought a scratching pole for my cat. He is sniffing at it quite earnestly now but has not start scratching it yet. Perhaps i have to show him how? :D
Tuesday, December 10, 2002
Things screwed up again...
I think i have the most inept paternal extended family. Stories of our family would be more dramatic than your usual mediacorp channel 8 fare... heck, it would be way to dramatic than your tvb hong kong serials! Anyway, the story this time: grandma fell in toilet yesterday because stupidity of certain uncle.
My grandma has been quite weak and vague for quite a long time after her bout of pneumonia in July. She is also bedridden and cant really recognize her family anymore, so has been staying in a nursing home for the last 3 months. She seems to be better these days though she still doesn't eat much, but at least she does not need a feeding tube anymore. Yes, back to yesterday... It seems that this uncle of mine wanted to bring my grandma to the toilet. Now, first of all, my grandma is wearing adult diapers and doesnt need to go to the toilet. Secondly, she cant really walk and is very weak, why else would she be in a nursing home right? Thirdly, she has been very vague these days and would answer "yes" for any questions you asked her.
"Are you hungry?"
"Are you thirsty?"
"Did my father come to see you today?"
"Did you have sharks fin for dinner?"
"Do you want to go to toilet?"
She just doesn't really understand what people say anymore. Apparently, according to this certain uncle, my grandma has been gesturing to him and to him, it would mean logically that she wanted to go to the toilet. He asked and of course, she said "yes". So, he "gallantly" helped my grandma up from her bed, walked her slowly to the toilet, put her on the toilet seat, turned around, walked out and CLOSED the toilet door! Amazing things that people do isn't it? Putting a weak and blur old woman, wearing her diaper, on the toilet seat, on her own, closing the door while you stand guard outside. Why on earth should he feel surprised when he heard a thud and her crying moments later? She was send to the hospital immediately, turned out that she had dislocated her right shoulder and fractured her right arm.
More amazingly, this uncle rang me out later that night telling me his side of the story. When i asked him why possessed him to let her go to the toilet on her own, he replied matter-of-factly "Its the female toilet mah, its not nice for me to go in with her right?". I applauded his logic right there and then, which of course he then told me i am too rude and all that.
The Aftermath:
Grandma needs to go to hospital next monday for another medical appointment. Someone needs to go with her. I will be in Japan by then. I cannot imagine if i were to have left last week what would have happened to them... Anyway, immediately this certain uncle told me that he would not be able to go with her because he has a school alumni gathering in Muar. Oh ya, he empharsized that he is the president of the alumni in singapore and he had already missed the gathering in Beijing last year. Of course, wouldn't want you to miss your gathering uncle dear. What about others?
"Sorry, an appointment with friends which i cannot push away." (certain fat aunty)
"Sorry, working and i cannot take leave course i need the money." (certain small aunty)
"Sorry, cannot make it." (certain gay uncle)
"...." (certain aunty which cannot be found)
Wonderful family support isn't it?
Anyway, this certain uncle actually had the... dare i say, audacity, to ask me if my father can come back from china, whether my brother can come back from australia or even perhaps i can don't go to japan... I am quite speechless. Probably from shock and seething anger I think. I really hate dealing with them. They make my teeth itch to bite something or someone. Looks like i have to sort out their mess again. You know how different people serve different function in a family? Like if you are the breadwinner, the housewife or the mediator? I guess my family has been appointed the official mess-sorter, caretaker, omnipotent solution giver for all situations for my father's side of the family. Not bad considering that my father has TEN siblings (and that's only from one side of Lee Clan - my granddad had two wives) and we are appointed such prestigious position. Oh well. Enough of sarcasm and really sort this thing out. I think one of these days i am going to hide somewhere where none of those people can ever find me.
Ya, I am going to hide now.
Sunday, December 8, 2002
I have been having such hectic weekends just going out with friends. It was quite weird initially being with two couples but everyone was real nice and we did have really good time at clubs, suppers, ktv and coffee. So much so that i have not been sleeping till at least 4am each day. Boy, its really cool not having to go to work and getting to sleep in the whole morning. Went to yoga yesterday morning after a 2 weeks lapse and got a really good workout/stretch. We also brought two other friends along and think everyone enjoyed it. I always feel really relaxed after yoga. We also bought yoga mats that came with its own carrier bag as well. Quite happy with myself in general.
Friday, December 6, 2002
Thursday, December 5, 2002
Well I am still here, when i should be in Japan. A real traumatising 3 days for me. First of all was running around getting stuff ready for my trip to Japan, changing money for my brother, packing stuff to send to him, buying things i need, sorting out library books, clarifying some phd application process, meet colleagues for department dinner, movie, pick up my dad from airport, send dad and brother off at airport, pick up mountain bike, change spore dollars to yen, and pack pack pack.
Now... that was before i found out, a day before my planned departure, which incidentally is at 9.30pm tonight 4/12/02, that i require a visa to enter japan. Yes. Visa. Tricky four letter word. Before anyone throw any brickbats at me, i assert that i DID check about visa requirements when i went to buy air tickets. Unfortunately the girl who sold me the tickets at chan brothers told me I do not need a visa because i am a spore PR. Wow. So much for trusting your travel agent. A well known one at that. The worse thing is, when i called their hotline to confirm visa requirements again, another person actually told me the same thing, though with less conviction, probably because its one day prior my departure.
Which is why for the whole day, on the 4th of december 2002, i was running from japan embassy at nassim road to chan brothers in south bridge road and back to japan embassy again to get my documents and visa application done. And it was only until 1pm today that i realize fully i wasn't going to be up on that plane with him after all, but join him one week later. In any case, it was off to M1 office in compass point to pick up another phone to be used in japan. Just my luck that japan don't support GSM phones. After getting the phone, i realized that they don't support SMS either. I must say i have seen much better days than these. In any case, he took the phone with him to japan which i am sure should come in useful somehow now even if he can't SMS with it. Then it is back home to wait for the DHL guys to pick up the package i wanted to send to my brother in london. Except... the guys never came. Called up DHL, turned out that they will be late. I requested they come between 5 to 6.30pm but they said they would be late and perhaps come after 8pm which was going to be impossible because i would be at the airport sending him off then! Did i say i have seen better days than these? Perhaps on second thoughts it is not such a bad thing that i have to stay in spore since the DHL guys can only come tomorrow. If i were to fly off tonight, my brother might have to do without his package.
See how i ramble?
Anyway, i have tons to do this week and i better make full use of my time here before i fly to Japan. But i really hate flying on my own when i can fly with company. Not the mention all that emotional trauma we went through because of this silly farce. Ho ho ho.
I really should be quite numb from life's little jokes by now huh?
Monday, December 2, 2002
Tuesday, November 26, 2002
Was at borders today before the movie and got a couple of Asterix and Obelix comics for myself, a collection of fairy tale classics (peter pan, alice in wonderland and wizard of oz) for my little niece as a belated birthday present and a jigsaw puzzle book for another niece for her be-early birthday present on christmas eve since i would not be around then. Was also told off politely by borders' staff that adults are not suppose to sit at the children section story-reading area. Doh.
What a coincidence.
Bump into tony again and luckily this time he called out to me from behind on the escalator or else i would have missed him again.
Well good to see you again toys... or should i call you jedixus now?
Now i see how i have not recognized you that day, you are not wearing specs!! :)
Glad to have met lainey and fluffy too, though briefly. *chuckles*
Definitely caught by surprise.
What a day.
Thursday, November 21, 2002
Monday, November 18, 2002
Moved my brother's tv into my room to replaced to konked out ancient aiwa hi-fi set.
Suddenly my room seemed a little more... cheerful?
I guess a space never felt really empty til you put some things in it.
Never complained that my room was quiet before, but with the tv constantly playing,
i just realised it must have been quite silent before.
Not that i mind.
I just didn't really know that i minded it.
Do i mind it?
Or have i just realized that i need something which i never had before?
Sounds like a typical wet dream of a typical modern day sales-marketing exec -
selling people the idea/product that they never realized they nad wanted or needed till they are told so.
Ah.
The basic philosophy of advertising?
I think i will go switch off the tv now.
Saturday, November 16, 2002
Thursday, November 14, 2002
Now let's see...
was ill for abit but am better now.
cannot remember what i did during the weekend.
oh yes.
saturday went for yoga, visited ikea, felt sick, met some friends for potluck, pick up things from babes.
sunday volunteered from 7am till 3pm for car rally cos they raising money for my school, seemed fun, won the 3rd prize at the lucky draw (mountain bike).
this week, i am going to hold my breath till the week is over.
am so so so busy.
mornings are filled with screenings while afternoons are spent getting things ready for graduation and year-end party.
am so so so tired.
went to a wedding dinner today but left after the 3 dish cos he was sick and needed to see doctor.
lots of arrangements to do, buying things for my mom to be sent over by her friend, arrange for plane tickets for my brother, buying digital camera for another brother.
did i mention that i am tired?
coming saturday will not have yoga cos too rushed for me as there's singing in the rain performance at 2pm (yoga ends at 1), luckily yoga kaki also cannot make it.
Tuesday, November 12, 2002
Tuesday, November 5, 2002
It was a surprise nonetheless.
I walked up to my room and my eye immediately caught a vague shadow from the corner of my eye in the dim sitting area outside my room. Its like a ghostly image, an impossibility which made me do a double take for a moment. I switched on the light to see my spanish porcelin doll, broken months ago, standing on the coffee table. Something lurched in my stomach and i caught my breath. How could it be? Wild thoughts run through my head. For months, she has laid in pieces, kept in a marks&spencer green plastic bag, along with a tube of porceline glue on the coffee table. Rememberance of time past when i panicked when my cat broke it. The familiar premonition of evil heralding in the horizon when i picked up the pieces. I intended to fix it so long ago, an object i couldn't help but associate as a symbol for my then rocky relationship. A misguided attempt, an idea that i would be able to ward off the evil eye only if i could fix the doll back, yet at the back of my mind i despaired. I never had the chance to fix it back as it was too late. And i had not touched it since.
Months passed. My life went through hell and back. So many readjustments, so many conflicts outside me, within me. I have come to a point when i felt that i could not moved on much further. I thought of ending the relationship, and let the pieces continue to lay broken on my coffee table despite several half-hearted thoughts of fixing the doll again. The crux came when even my necklace, my constant companion of four years, his gift to me broke as well. When he replaced the chain with a new one, a stronger one, i could not help but think that it could never be the same, ever. I could not, or would not look at the pieces of my life and put them back together. New things are never quite the same as the old. I know i gave him alot of pain because of this but that was what i believed. Yet today, my spanish doll stand upright again. Did he fix it? He couldn't have, i would have seen him. And he didn't. He couldn't. Yet she is there standing. It is as though... it was magic.
Of course there is a rational explanation for it all. As improbable as it was to me at the moment, i asked my maid if she had touched my broken doll and she casually told me she fixed it this afternoon. She did not say why. I did not ask why. Actually who fixed it was no longer an issue. I know i wouldn't. I know he couldn't. Perhaps the streak of mysticism in me wanted to believe in a certain divine intervention. Something magical which could fix the doll when we couldn't, wouldn't, giving me a hope i realized by now, could not come from within or from him. A sign. An omen. Something which cannot be explained but leaves my stomach hanging in the air.
She is standing and even though i had thought i would never put her back together again, i couldn't help but feel like i really want to protect her now. She looked so vulnerable with lines running through her hair, her skirts, her hands. She is standing with so many scars and i had almost forgotten how familiar she looked.
It probably sound silly and whimsical. I know i have been searching for a reason to continue but i could not trust myself nor him. Not yet. This may be the stupidest thing for one to believe in but i would take it. Because it happened just when i needed to believe in something. A sign. Yes. An omen. The little nudge to propell us forward which no one else can deliver. That is what the now standing spanish porcelin doll means to me.
